What do I do now?

Last Sunday night I found out something that hurt me deeply. Someone I trusted took my trust and abused it by lying to me and deceiving me. This person took my trust and went behind my back and did things that are damaging to me personally and my family and even my future. I sit here and have mixed feelings of guilt and pain. I feel that somehow I may have been responsible for this hurt. They will not acknowledge any wrong doing on their part. They say their were misdeeds committed on their part. The thing is there is bold face evidence of lying and willful deceiving for over 6 months in the last case. There was effort to hide things by stating that all was good. The truth is that this is not the first time this has happened. The same type of incident happened in March of 2012 and again in December 2012 and now in July 2013. This last incident started in January 2013. I just found out about it now.

I feel betrayed, hurt and lied to. In my past I have been a liar and have lied to people closest to me many times and perhaps it could justly be stated that I lived a lie for many years. That all ended in 1999 and began to cease a few years prior to that date. We have all heard the proverbial ex-smoker who despises any hint of smokers and the smell of smoke from a smoking device. This is how I feel about people who lie to me. I have no trust of them. I know how deceitful someone living that lifestyle can act. I was there and have first hand knowledge of how you have to think, plan and cover your tracts. Keeping a lie secret takes lots of thought and energy. When it all starts to come apart it is very scary. It is like walking on top of a house of cards. You know it will not support your weight and it is going to fall and great will be its fall.

This happened to me in many areas of my life. When I could see the end coming I thought it best that I come clean with those to whom I have lied. It was a very painful and breaking experience which I remember in detail to this day some 15 years or so later. Those experiences and dark days have helped shape who I am today. How do you begin to rebuild your reputation? How do you start facing yourself in the mirror every morning knowing exactly who you are inside? I had to face who I was and what I had become. This was not an easy task but the pain and guilt I felt on the inside was unbearable. I could not carry the load any further. So with the help of some close friends one of whom was one of the persons I had lied to I began the process to healing and forgiveness. I remember a man whom I had betrayed his trust and confidence. He responded to me with such love and forgiveness that it is a standard for me to attain.

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This is now written a few weeks later I have given up my right to an apology. With some help of some godly friends and godly council from the scriptures I have chosen to give up my right to an apology. Christ gives us some great examples of forgiveness. The verse from the great hymn of the church "It is Well with My Soul" says it all.

1. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
   
   
   All my sins are forgiven. The scriptures teach us that our sins merit us the wrath of God. These are sins we have willingly committed knowing that they are wrong and sinful. No one held a gun to our head and forced us to look at the woman we are not married to and think about adultery. We were never forced to hate that person that hurt us. What about those many lies we have told to cover us from an act that we have done wrong. We who claim the name of Christ have been forgiven of so much sin and guilt. 
   
   
   Luke 7:36-47

   A Sinful Woman Forgiven

   36 Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat.37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

   40 And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”

   So he said, “Teacher, say it.”

   41 “There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

   43 Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”

   And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.” 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wipedthem with the hair of her head. 45 You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.”

   48 Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

   49 And those who sat at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

   50 Then He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.”

   
   

   If we have an understanding of our sin that God has forgiven us we have received forgiveness how can we withhold forgiveness from a brother or sister in Christ. 

   
   

   Here is another passage of scripture on forgiveness in Matthew 18:21-35. 

   The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

   21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

   22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

   28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet[a] and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’[b] 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

   35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”[c]

   
   

   May God use His Word to instruct us to become more like Him. He has forgiven all those who have repented of their sins and confessed their helplessness before Him in humility.  God bless you as you allow the Holy Spirit to form His image in you.